What the fuck is the point of Facebook or other social networking sites if one always has to worry about what's coming out of their mouth and making sure they don't offend anyone? Why can't I just fucking say what is on MY mind in the words that I choose? It's extremely frustrating. I can't drop the "f bomb" cuz of my public image with the Tonettes and any potential students, or fellow musicians, etc. If I'm having a bad day at work, I can't say how I feel about that cuz of my coworker Facebook friends.

So, I'm just gonna come here and vent. No, not every post is gonna be riddled with "f bombs" ....etc, etc.....but I'm sick to death of goddamned censorship. If you can't handle it, don't read it/listen to it/watch it.

I guess I'm just sick of having to be what "they" want me to be. Fuck it. Why do "they" get to decide how a person should act? Why does everything be so goddamned complicated? Yeah, adults have responsibilities.....blah blah blah.... Can't we be happy and chill in the meantime? I don't know what it is. I feel like I'm being held back. I feel like I'm being fake all the fucking time. I'm knee-deep in bullshit that I don't even want to deal with just cuz it's what I "should" be doing. How do I fix this? Why do I feel so trapped and unhappy all of a sudden? I thought this was the path I was supposed to be on and now it just seems so unappealing.

Anxiety

I'm starting to have some major anxiety about the next three days. I want to enjoy them, but not totally undo all that I've worked so hard for! I WANT pie, I WANT turkey skin, I WANT S'bucks.....I do NOT want to the scale up on Monday morning!

Eeeeek!

DAY 24!!!!!!!!!!!

LAST DAY OF THE CHALLENGE!

Down approx 11.4 pounds and all my pants are big. =) WOO HOO!!!!!!!! It's the start I needed. Now I KNOW I can do this and we WILL continue to see the scale go down for the next few months until I reach my primary goal of 150lbs. I say primary goal cuz I wouldn't mind being down to my originial Lifetime weight of 137lbs, but I'm not sure how realistic that is. ....but I've got some CUTE size 6 clothes I don't want to get rid of! =)

*spark
*oatmeal with splenda
*banana with VC AB
*
*
*

Tonight is Thanksgiving with the in-laws. I WILL only eat turkey breast and tossed salad. I WILL only eat turkey breast and tossed salad. I WILL only eat turkey breast and tossed salad. I WILL only eat turkey breast and tossed salad. I WILL only eat turkey breast and tossed salad. I WILL only eat turkey breast and tossed salad...........

On a side note, my co-worker friend, Scott is making a turducken (a chicken stuffed in a duck, stuffed in a turkey) for Thanksgiving and he's bringing me some leftovers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have wanted to try turducken for years! OMG, I am SO excited! ....and he deboned the chicken and duck himself, made all the different stuffings and trussed the turducken himself! I'm so impressed!

Oh man.....dark meat, turkey skin, and pumpkin pie with cool whip. I cannot WAIT! I've about had it up to *here* with lean protein and zero fatty fats. But, it's back to program Monday. I bought another Max Pack box and will continue to use it for another 14 days, this time incorporating EXERCISE! God....I HAVE to get my fat ass to the frickin' gym! .....or at the very least do my Turbo Jam videos! Sheesh!

Ok, I better get back to "work." Not sure how much I'm going to get done today, it being the day before Thanksgiving and I do NOT want to be here! =P----

Day 23

TWO MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot WAIT to drink my S'bucks on Thursday morning!!!

*spark
*apple
*approx 3/4 large banana and a little VC PB
*my famous salad
* apple
* dinner: oatmeal with splenda and soy milk and 3 eggs scrambled into some sauteed mushrooms with garlic. YUM. Yeah, I'm totally out of food! LOL

Trying to drink more water....haven't been doing good on that the last few days. Speaking of, time to fill the 'ole Nalgene!

Figured out where the sugar cravings and bloated-ness is coming from....good 'ole PMS. Gotta love the timing on that! =P---

Day 22

*about 1/2 bowl of oatmeal, banana
*good 'ole salad
*big 'ole salmon fillet...can't remember how many ounces and greenbeans with sauteed mushrooms
*few almonds and sunflower seed kernels
*approx 3/4 c. leftover spaghetti

I have NO idea what my deal was last night. ....it's like I couldn't get enough to eat!....I couldn't choke down my oatmeal even though it was yummy. Dumb.

Day 21

The final countdown has commenced! I've got 3 Thanksgiving dinners comin' my way and I cannot WAIT!!!!!! Wed's will have to be turkey breast and salad since I'll still technically be on the challenge still, but Thurs and Fri? Look out! The thing I'm looking forward to most isn't the potatoes. It's not the stuffing, or the rolls.....it's the dessert. I cannot WAIT for pumpkin pie and cherry dream squares. OMG, yum!!!!!!!!!

*banana

*oatmeal

*chicken breast and beans with salsa. Woo, exciting!

*chili

Day 20

OMG.....it was SO nice to lay around today!...and I did - ALL day. I did not move from the couch after my 10:30 wax appt and I could not ask for a more perfect day. In case anyone wants to know the formula for a perfect day...here it is:

Perfectly overcast and cool fall weather

YUMMY comfort food

a comfortable reclining couch

comfy pants and your husband's hoodie

Tom Robbins

hangin' with the Hubbs all day

fun stuff to watch on Netflix

last.fm on the xbox

Ahhhhhhhh. SO great. I'd like to add that I stayed 100% on program all day. Out of sight, out of mind is working wonders for this diet!

*spark

*oatmeal with banana

*weird lunch - chicken breast with rice cakes and salsa! LOL I was just in the mood to munch! I was dipping the chicken in the salsa! Hey, it was yummy, that's all I cared about.

*few almonds

*few sunflower seed kernels

*my famous salad

Day 19

In the home stretch! WOO HOO! ....boy am I feelin' it at this point! I just want to be able to drink a ginormous cup of coffee with creamer and eat a bagel with pumpkin cream cheese spread. ....and I cannot WAIT until Thanksgiving to have a soy pumpkin spice latte!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*spark

*oatmeal with banana

*leftover spaghetti

*good 'ole salad with chicken and stuff

Didn't cheat at Kevin's b-day party! Woo hoo!

Day 18

BTW, the spaghetti squash was GROSS! At least I know now!

*spark

*apple

*banana w/VC PB

*didn't really eat lunch - 1/2 rice cake with about 1/4 pouch tuna. NOT in the mood for anything today. Like, AT ALL.

*DINNER! - whole wheat pasta, 90/10 hamburger, marinara sauce....SO good. Hubbs said it was the best spaghetti I've ever made! Score!

Day 17

This is the weirdest sinus infection I've ever had. One min I feel fine, the next I feel like crap. Don't really care as long as I can sing on Friday!

*spark

*apple

*banana with VC PB

*6oz chicken breast, leftover veggies

*trying out spaghetti squash tonight with a sauce I made out of canned tomatoes, topped with a little chicken for protein! (I hope it's good)

Got a decaf soy sf vanilla latte from Main St Bagels today....um....YUK. I'll wait until I can have a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks! =)

Day16

Stayed home sick today to try to rest up. I think it's helping a tad....although I have to get up before the butt crack of dawn tomorrow. =P--- Had a doctor's appt this morning, came home around 9:30ish and proceeded to sleep for about 5 hours! Got up around 2:00 and am having to take all my Max Pack stuff REALLY late in the day. I hope that, coupled with sleeping so late, doesn't effect me too much tonight. Hopefully I'll still sleep good cuz I'm worn out.

*spark

*smoothie made with Meal Replacement Shake, banana, soy milk - only drank half of it. Yuk, can't get used to the shakes.

*apple

*6oz chicken, left over veggies

*oatmeal with banana and splenda

Day 15

Ugh. Couldn't avoid the crud. Going to the doctor today at 2:45. I don't have time to eff around with this thing!

Also, the Max Pack supplements aren't cracking me out like they did the first day. However, I can't tell if I'm getting used to them, or if I'm just so tired and run down from the cold that it's making me feel just normal. I'm still noticing a difference in my energy level. Even though it's still hard to get up in the morning (I doubt that will ever be easier for me), I'm not falling asleep at my desk by 10:00 AM like usual. I'm also not crashing at 2:00 or 3:00 PM, which is awesome. So maaaaaaybe there's something to this eating healthy thing! Tee hee!

*spark
*apple
*veggie salad with a few olives and pine nuts and a banana with 2T VC PBandAB combined!
*little bit of apple
*6oz chicken breast, sauteed zucchini, mushrooms and greenbeans


Work served us pizza and the salad for lunch. The pizza smells SO good. Hooray for willpower!

Day 14

Got a tad more sleep last night. Don't feel quite as bad as yesterday, but not 100%. PLEASE don't let me be sick! I'm freaking OUT!!!!!

Not feeling any better at 2:20 PM and I still definitely have that "feeling" in my throat. As D would say, "Yuk."

*spark

*chai with soy milk and splenda, 1 rice cake with 1T VC AB

*3 eggs, ff refried beans

*soy chai

*salmon, green beans and mushrooms

Day 13

OMG....stayed up WAY too late again last night. Feeling like absolute poop right now. Gonna eat a snack then take a nap. Yuuuuuk.

*spark

*meal replacement before gig

*3 hard boiled eggs, grapefruit with salt

*two small pears, VC AB&PB, rice cakes

*3 fried eggs (in olive oil) and some ff refried beans with salsa

*caffeine free chai tea with soy milk and Splenda

Felt like absolute crap all day yesterday. Ugh.

Day 12

I don't know if it was the supplements or the musical, or my late dinner, but I could NOT shut my brain off last night. The last time I looked at the clock I think it was 12:03. I am a wreck today. NOT a good day to not be able to drink Starbucks. Hopefully, the crack-like qualities in the Max Pack will kick in pronto today! =)

I have no idea what I'm eating. I'll update this later.

*yawn*

I don't think my digestive system likes Spark on an empty stomach. I'll keep it up to see if that's it. But holy bathroom break, Batman!

*Spark

*oatmeal with banana and splenda

*part of my salad

*tuna on rice cakes with a little salad dressing

*meal replacement smoothie with soy milk, banana, strawberry, peaches! Only drank half

*rice cakes and a little almond butter

Um, the supplements and spark have already kicked in. I wonder if I'll feel this way all day or if I'll end up crashing since I didn't get very much sleep last night. Please, don't let me crash! I need to make it to the end of the show tonight!!!!

Side note: tummy troubles today. Hopefully that will go away. Yucky.

Yesterday's Spaz-Fest

Um, holy shit! The Max Pack supplements cracked me OUT yesterday! I felt like I had two triple shot lattes! ....and it lasted all afternoon and evening! Whoa. I hope I get used to them cuz I'm not sure if I could go 14 more days like that. I don't know how crack addicts do it! LOL

On the other hand, the appetite suppressant is AWESOME! I wasn't hungry at all yesterday! Sweeeeeeeeeeet.

Yesterday's actual food journal:

*banana with VC PB

*apple

*salad with grilled chicken from McAllister's

*Meal replacement shake

*tuna with a boiled egg on rice cakes. It was surprisingly good! =)

Max Pack! Challenege, Day 11

Scale keeps creeping down. REALLY like that. Going to stick with it as close to 100% as I can. I've got a tight freaking dress to wear on Sat. =P---

Yeah....spaced out reading my max pack instructions last night. Didn't pack a lick of protein in my bag 'o food besides VC PB. =P----

So....

B'fast: banana with 1 or 2T VC PB

Apple probably.

Lunch: going out with the small group girls to McAllister's - salad with chicken. I'm going to really try to avoid the loaded baked potato with bacon, CHEESE, and sour cream! LOL

Snack: Rice cakes with 1T PB

Dinner: chicken breast with green beans and mushrooms

On the agenda for tonight: BOIL SOME EGGS! =)

Day 10

***update!!!! At weigh in today at WW I showed a loss of 5.6lbs! WOO HOOOOOO!

LAST DAY OF THE CLEANSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Need I say more? Tee hee!

*fiber drink
*apple, pear, spark
*1 rice cake with 1T VC PB...trying to wait 'till late afternoon to eat cuz it's WW weigh in day today. DON'T think I'm going to make it. =(
* normal salad -NOM!! Didn't quite finish.
*
*

Day 9

Two more days to go on the cleanse! Whoopie! So, I either messed up on my Probiotic Restore, lost a packet, or was shorted a packet cuz I took my last one today. Oh well. ....there's only two days left! Hooray!

The scale went down another smidge today! Definitely not a whole pound....but down, none-the-less! It's so motivating!

*fiber drink
*apple and spark
*1 T VC PB, rice cake
* Good 'ole salad with the usual
*rice cake
*banana, VC PB, rice cake
*apple

Ok, tomorrow's goal is to DRINK ALL MY WATER! I don't know what my deal is with that. I really liked the scale showing me a smaller number this morning. I want to continue that trend and I must flush the system! ....although I am on the phones this next two weeks and going to the bathroom every five minutes probably wouldn't be advisable! Ha ha!

We'll see how it goes. =)

Day 8

3 more days of the cleanse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ....which also means, back on the fiber drink too. But, I'm ok with that since I steped on the scale this morning and was down another pound! Woo hoo!!!!

The next two weeks are going to be really tough. Tonettes litterally every night and I'll be on the phones at work every day. *sigh* So, "24 Day Challenge" is not just a catchy title!

*fiber drink
*apple and spark
*salad (this week's salad includes: veggies, edamame, garbanzo beans, sunflower seeds and chicken
*apple, little bit 'o VC PB and AB
*4oz chicken, leftover green beans and mushrooms
*banana, 2 T PB/AB (it got mixed in the container I had it in today...it was kind of good that way!

Day 7

Hooray for the fall time change! This is my favorite time change cuz you get an extra hour of sleep and it doesn't take me 2 weeks to get used to the new change.

Also, it's more fall-like weather-wise outside. YAY!

*apple

*2 hard boiled eggs

*Spark, banana, 2T VC PB

*1/2 c brown rice, 3oz chicken breast

*apple

*steelhead salmon and steamed green beans with sauteed mushrooms

*rice cakes with a smear of VC PB

Yeah....allergic to mangos, dammit! I'm afraid to drink more smoothie. I guess it's hard boiled eggs this morning!

Oh well, at least I know.

Day 6

Tried to sleep in....didn't work. I don't think that's EVER happened to me. I'm wondering if it's because I have more energy! Maybe! I miss coffee though. I've realized I'm not as dependent on caffeine as I once was....but I miss the actual coffee. A soy pumpkin spice latte from The 'Bucks to be exact. I cannot WAIT 'till Thanksgiving morning.....that is my FIRST order of business! =)

I finally dropped off a couple pounds! Woo hoo! Now that I'm starting to get the hang of this thing, the plan is to get my ass to work on time and work out on lunch or after work. I'm feeling really good and I want to keep this thing going!

(I also think I feel better cuz I'm on my fiber drink break....man that thing wreaks havoc on me. Bleh)

Today's menu...I'll add to this throughout the day as I eat since I don't have to pack my food with me! Yay for days off!!!!

*SMOOTHIE!!!! frozen strawberries, mangos, peaches, a banana, 1/4 c chopped raw almonds, 1 c unsweetened soy milk. YUM!!!! Not sure about the mangos....but the rest is really good! Gonna get some shaved cocoanut to put in it next time! I defrosted the fruit a bit so I wouldn't have to blend it as long, resulting in a less frothy, less air-filled, less gas-inducing smoothie. =) It's a work in progress, but smoothies aren't hard, it's just a matter of finding the right combo of fruit. ....and I like the chopped almonds and having to chew once in a while. Side note, I think I might be a bit allergic to mangos. I definitely feel some irritation and puffiness in the throat, but not enough to be worried. Hmm....we'll see. If I go into anaphylactic shock, take me to the ER, ok? LOL

Tossed the smoothie

*3 hard boiled eggs

*leftover chicken green chili beans

I should probably have some fruit or veggies today, maybe?

*grapefruit

*little bowl of butternut squash with splenda, cinnamon, and soy milk

*salad with chicken, garbanzos, sunflower seeds, dressing

*1 rice cake with about 3/4 T VC PB

On today's agenda:

-read!!!

-laundry, OMFG, laundry

-fold, organize, and PUT AWAY said laundry when it's clean

-reorganize the kitchen...it's in chaos down there from this week!

....Yeah.....not a thing on that list got done! LOL

Day 5

Oh. My. God. SO glad it's Friday.

Today's bag 'o food. I'm going this route cuz I haven't been eating in the order of my menus. Hee hee!

*apple
*rice cakes with VC PB
*salad with baked chicken, garbanzo beans, sunflower seeds, and olive oil and vinegar dressing
*oatmeal
*banana

Oh, that's it. Not very creative today. =(

Ok, trying to remember what I ate, exactly....

*oatmeal with banana and splenda

*rice cakes with VC PB

*out to lunch - salad with grilled chicken and vinegar and olive oil

*apple

*rice cakes with VC PB

*salad with baked chicken, garbanzo beans, sunflower seeds, and olive oil and vinegar dressing

*rice cakes with VC PB (I see a trend here....this is a SUPER easy and filling snack)

*another rice cake with salsa (I was up 'till 2:00 AM so I got hungry again.) Tee hee!

Cravings are kickin' in today. Wanting November-y type foods like pumpkin pie and....nevermind, I don't even want to talk about it.

SO.....I have 3 different squash recipes I'm gonna make this weekend to whet my appetite. (....and for my friends: I don't pronounce that wHet...I don't know why) =)

I hate not being able to just grab something to eat. Especially right now. Ugh. Ok, off to get some leftovers.

Day 4

I'm failing miserably on the workout front! =( Didn't go Tues or Wed, and can't workout today at lunch and have a rehearsal tonight. =P----------- Tomorrow's not looking good either. Being busy literally every day with a rehearsal or meeting of some sort is not condusive to this challenge! Grrr.

On the other hand, don't have to take the fiber drink for the next three days and it RULES! My stomach isn't pooched out like a big 'ole fatty McGee. Ahhhh!

Food so far today:

*Apple and a spark
*Oatmeal with banana and Sweet & Low....BTW, I like Splenda WAY better but forgot to bring some from home. =(
*Salad with chicken breast, sunflower seeds, garbanzo beans, and olive oil and vinegar dressing
*rice cakes with 2 T VC PB
*Grapefruit w/salt
*Dinner - whatever I end up grabbing out of the fridge in like, 2 min.

Brought lots of extras today since I'm going to work 'till 5:45 and go straight to rehearsal at CA for Annie. Planning on eating dinner right before I leave here.

Day 3

Ok, I'm tired of peeing every 20 min. =P----

Today's food:

Fiber drink

Apple

Rice cakes with VC PB

Spark

Lunch - salad with chicken and turkey breast

Apple

Dinner - green chili with chicken! YUM....so good!

Going to lunch with a friend today....gonna go somewhere I can get a chicken salad of some sort. ***didn't go to lunch. Eneded up weighing in at WW...up 1.8 lbs. Totally happy with that considaring the weekend I had! =)

I'm just now realizing that I haven't had as much to eat today and I'm not as starving. I think I'm getting used to the diet! Yay! Also, I'm done PMSing so no more cravings. Although....earlier, the breakroom smelled like parmesan cheese and I suddenly wanted fettucini alfredo BAD! LOL I'm already planning meals for after the challenge! Ha!

TMI - got some serious "movement" going on! As Allison said, "This cleanse is really....cleansing!"

Day 2!

Fiber drink

Apple 30m min later

Spark, apple, couple of orange sections

Oatmeal with a little vanilla soy milk

salad with chicken breast, sunflower seeds, and not enough vinegar and oil (holy dry salad!)

Spark

Apple

Grapefruit sections with salt, rice cakes with 2T VC PB

7oz baked steelhead salmon with streamed green beans and sauteed mushrooms

It was kind of a grazing day. I came in late to work cuz I had a doctor's appt (just a physical) so I didn't get to work 'till 9:30. The eating cycle started really late, which was awesome! I also realized that I don't need 4 Nalgenes a day....3.125 to be exact! I drank almost 100oz exactly and felt a LITTLE better today. Still bloated as HELL. I'm a little worried and hope the bloating goes away cuz I'm definitely not losing inches at this point!

Didn't get to workout yesterday and I doubt I'll have a chance to today. *sigh* Gots to find time, people!

=)

24 Day Challenge! - Day 1

Today starts the 24 day challenge!!! 10 day cleanse, 14 day...um, Max Pack? I think it's called. We're going super minimal carbs for the cleanse. Only brown rice for dinner only once in a while, oatmeal, and hummus and no beans. Fish chicken and eggs for "meat" and seeds and VC PB for protein. Most importantly, NO DAIRY for 24 days....which will actually be a good thing.

Didn't get up early enough to take my measurements....will do that tonight before bed.

This is going to be hard! .....no, challenging! =)

Today's menu:

Spark & and apple 30 min after fiber drink (which still sucks)

Apple(s) and 3 hard boiled eggs mid-morning

Salad with 6oz chicken breast (pan-fried in a touch of olive oil), sunflower seeds, and ff Catalina dressing.

Last apple, rice cakes with Vitamin Cottage Peanut Butter (VC PB)

Workout - 20 min Turbo Jam video

Dinner - 5 oz turkey breast steam green beans with sauteed mushrooms and steamed broccoli

At least 4 Nalgenes (or Siggs, or any other 1 L water bottle) worth of water drunk throughout the day. I do not count the fiber drink and 8oz after, and any sparks. JUST water.

Apples are the fruit of the day! ....and will probably be my go-to choice of fruit for the challenge. They're filling, low on the GI scale, and are in season right now! Got a couple of grapefruits and oranges and bananas will be kept to a minimum since they tend to be a little on the sugary side. On the weekends I'll probably indulge in a soy smoothie made with frozen strawberries, frozen peaches, and a splash of Vanilla soy milk. Oooo, look out!

Well, so far I've had my fiber drink, glass of water, apple, and spark. ....and I'm bloated like a pufferfish! These first few days of the cleanse are always the hardest for me cuz I just don't eat fiber, fruits, and veggies like I should. *burp* Hee hee!

Ok, ocean city shower for me today! (had to get up and cook since I was a lazy ass and didn't do it last night) Gots to grab some workout clothes and ALL my food! LOL

I suspect the 30-60 of daily exercise is going to be the hardest for me. Danielle is my accountability partner and RMHP employees conveniently get to go to Crossroads for free for the month of November!!! So, hopefully it won't be TOO bad.

Yay! Ok, I'm off! Here's to today's burp fest and pee parade!